Sunday, April 18, 2010

Scooter: The Gathering of Fail

How do I even begin this tale of woe and fail? Let's try something succinct and easy (for me). Bulletpoints ahoy!

  • Scooter says there's a Magic: The Gathering tournament this weekend. Tournament.
  • Scooter's friend the Professional Magic Player will be participating. Professional, I say.
  • Scooter wants to go check it out. "I'd play, but there's a 30 dollar entry fee" Activate passive-aggressive sadface.
  • Scooter does chores for me all weekend to the tune of 30 dollars plus a ride to Games & Gizmos. The Pro MTG Playa is going to give him a ride home, he says.
  • I drop his ass off. (After he leaves the address on the table at home) #fail1
    Me: What time will you be done?
    Scooter: Probably at 2.
    Me: It's one. It costs 30 bucks to play for an hour?
    Scooter: Well, I'm new so I'll probably only play the first round.
  • Get a text from Scooter: "Apparently it goes until 8" #fail2
  • Uh... okay so what? Does he want to stay that long? Does he want a ride home? I text back "So how long do you want to stay?"
  • No response. #fail3
  • I pick up his sister in Everett and we swing by 7-11 for Slurpees and beef jerky. Since the game place is nearby I send her in to ask Scooter if he a) needs a ride home b) if so what time.
  • She reports that it stinks OUTSIDE THE GLASS DOORS and refuses to go inside. We go home.
  • 4 hours later I'm getting the baby out of a bath. I diaper her and give big sis the task of jammying her up while I check my phone in case Scooter ever texted back. it's 8:20 by now.
  • Text from Scooter at 8:04 "we're done". Text from Scooter at 8:05 "do you think I could get a ride" #fail4
  • I leave the baby (who is hungry and ready to be put to bed) with her sister, get dressed, and get in the car, texting Scooter: "on my way"
  • I pull up in front of the nerd station, just as this text comes in: "Kk". That's his response to "I'm on my way". I text back "I'm outside".
  • I can see him in there with his green tshirt and his puffy hair. He's like six foot two.... not hard to spot. He's douching about, oblivious that I'm out front HONKING THE HORN. #fail5
  • I call him. He doesn't pick up. #fail6
  • I'm about thirty seconds from busting in there in my shorts, knee socks, dirty tshirt and glasses and embarrass him, when he finally picks up the phone and gets his ass out to the car.

You may be asking yourself a few questions. What happened to his ride home from mister magic pro? He wasn't ready to leave at 8. Why doesn't Scooter have a driver's license? Because he thinks there's no point in having a license if you don't have a car. Why doesn't he have a car? Because he doesn't have a job.

WHY does his mother perpetuate his fail by giving him 30 dollars, dropping him off and then leaving a sweet freshly bathed baby and picking him up while he keeps her waiting? Your guess is as good as mine.


  1. I went to high school with one of the guys who invented Magic. That's like being a Jedi in nerd culture.

  2. Trixie, it just means you are a good mother! I had to get a job at 16 at the local Chucke Cheese just to afford gas for a car my father bought me. Each kid is different.

    Your a cool mom also, my mother would NEVER let me go to a place by myself at that age (control issues??) I am sure he'll grow out of it! *fingers crossed!!

  3. @vinmos Your mother didn't let you go out alone when you were 18? Wow, that is some control issues.

    Christa. It is because we are SUCKERS to our kids and sadly, they know this.